Forgiveness In The Bible: The Parable Of The Unforgiving Servant

Forgiveness is in the Bible.

Forgiveness is in the Bible. Forgiveness is a part of every major world religion. In my church this past week was a reading on forgiveness. If you’re a church going Bible person, then you have heard this preached before:

Matthew 18:21-35 The Parable of The Unforgiving Servant.

Jesus is asked how many times we should forgive and tells his disciples that you should never not forgive. He then goes on to tell a parable. The story is that a poor guy owes a rich guy an impossible amount of money. The rich guy is going to take everything from the poor guy and throws him in prison, but the poor guy begs for his life and the rich guy forgives him. A little later, the poor guy is collecting a TINY debt from another poor guy. He doesn’t forgive, and word gets back to the rich guy. The rich guy is livid and throws the poor guy into prison, effectively taking away the forgiveness. Jesus then says that that is what God will do to you if you don’t forgive. 

The Gospel parallel passages on forgiveness in Luke 17:4 and Mark 11:25 are a similar sentiment: As long as someone comes and asks for forgiveness you should give it to them, and if you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you.

The whole story has always seemed a little backwards to me. You are supposed to forgive over and over, but if someone is unforgiving, they will not be forgiven by God. There is a forgiveness exception?

So, there are two things I’m wondering about 1) What is my job to forgive? And 2) What is God’s job to forgive?

According to these passages it is my job to forgive over and over and over. Most especially, disciples are required to forgive when a person apologizes and asks for forgiveness (over and over and over). So, you don’t have to forgive if the person doesn’t ask or is unrepentant. This makes sense in context. Repentance is important in the New Testament. If someone is not repentant, then you don’t need to forgive them. Obviously, why would I keep forgiving someone who keeps hurting me and doesn’t ask? 

But I think that we still need to forgive because only forgiving when asked or when a person is repentant is only one type of forgiveness. I would argue that true forgiveness doesn’t allow the other person to keep hurting you. True forgiveness doesn’t keep letting someone take energy or abuse power. That would be worse for both parties involved. True forgiveness is letting go of the negative feelings that you are justified in having. True forgiveness doesn’t allow the transgressor to transgress again. True forgiveness requires divine intervention.

So, then what is God’s job with forgiveness?

The passages imply that there is no forgiveness as long as we are unrepentant and unforgiving. While they also imply that there is unlimited forgiveness even as we sin against God. It’s a paradox. 

I am expected to be endlessly forgiving in order for God to endlessly forgive me. But it is impossible for me to be endlessly forgiving. So which is it?  Does God forgive no matter what over and over?  Or is God's forgiving power dependent on me and my abilities to forgive over and over? I certainly hope it is not the latter. 

The point of these passages is not just a commandment to forgive (and if we don’t then we will be punished), but an assertion that forgiveness is a gift, and it is impossible without God.

God makes the impossible task of forgiveness possible. 

Whether or not you believe in divine forgiveness, the research shows that being forgiving is good for you and others. Forgiveness isn’t condoning a bad behavior. It isn’t letting someone off the hook or forgoing justice. Forgiveness closes the gap that justice cannot perfectly close. Forgiveness reconnects us to the dignity of every human, and if you believe, it connects us to God.

Forgiveness says, “I see your human dignity regardless of behavior. And I treat you with dignity and respect.”

When you come in to do the work at open heart holistic therapy, not just forgiving others, you find forgiveness for yourself. You reconnect to the parts of yourself that you don’t like or don’t want to reconcile. You build gratitude for yourself and the generations before you so that you can launch yourself and future generations into a healing mindset. 

If you want to go beyond the basics of forgiveness in this passage, and embrace the unconditional love and compassion of a good God, then schedule an appointment today. 

Affirmations to be more forgiving:

I give myself for believing I can't forgive unless someone repents.

I forgive myself for believing God's love and compassion isn't for me unless I am perfectly repentant.

I forgive myself when I withhold forgiveness from someone else.

I forgive others when they withhold forgiveness from me.

I give others permission to forgive me when I expect them to repent before I can let go.

I give others permission to forgive me when I blame them for why I can't forgive.

I love and accept myself even when I'm afraid I won't be forgiven.

I love and accept myself trusting I will be forgiven.

I give myself permission to accept God's forgiveness is endless and unconditional.

I give myself permission to let God fill in the gaps when I can't forgive or let go. 

Matthew 18:21-35

Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus answered, “I say to you not seven times but 77 times. That is why the Kingdom of Heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he begun the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all of his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’ Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan. When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He sees him and started to choke him, demanding, pay back what you owe.  Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’  but he refused.  Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt. Now his fellow servants saw what happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair. His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You Wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,  as I had pity on you?’ Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.  So will my heavenly Father do to you,  unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart. 

Luke 17:3-4

Be on your guard!  If your brother sins,  rebuke him;  and if he repents,  forgive him. And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, “I am sorry,”  you should forgive him.

Mark 11:25

When you stand to pray,  forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance,  so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.